Thoughts.

为什么把钱看得那么重?

That's what my friends asked me, at the Clark Quay Mexican bar after work on Friday. We talked about life while they sipped on their Happy Hour Margaritas. I'm the only one who ordered warm water. Warm water at a bar? Potong stim, I know. But I plan to work when I get home no matter how late.

The conversation started because my bf had his Australian working visa approved. Yes, finally! (throws confetti around congratulating him). He just bought a one way ticket and will be leaving next month. Our relationship has progressed, yet again. From a 3 hours car ride KL to PG, to 5 hours bus ride KL to SG, now to 8 hours flight SG to Aus. Talk about long distance.....getting longer and longer.

I had been working like a mad woman for the past few months. Maybe because of all those crazy amount of work lately, I kept feeling like I'm losing out a lot in life and I needed a rest. Ya ya ya...listen to the lazy part of me talking. As soon as I get lots of work I always feel like I needed a holiday (but then again, who doesn't need a holiday?). Since the bf is migrating to Australia, I'd given some serious consideration about leaving my job for a while..you know..go around. Go visit my sisters in the US, and maybe I can join her on that Italy trip at the end of the year after all. And then I can go over Australia and join the bf and slack around while exploring Aust for a bit..to see if I like it. You know, all that stuff.

But...there're a couple of things stopping me.

1. I just couldn't live with the thought of leaving my job and be unemployed.
Apart from feeling bloody useless, I feel like I'm going to lose out a lot for that period of (what Andrew insists on calling) "in between jobs" (sounds nicer than "unemployed"). I'm smacked right in the middle of my career and with that long period of being jobless, I felt like I would be left behind when I return. What's worse, I just kept counting the amount of money I could have earned for those months that I'm not working! While other people are earning that amount of money, I'm using up my hard earned savings! How can I possibly live with that! What if I can't get a job after my self declared sabbatical ended? Or I get a job that pays lesser? Would I regret it?

2. I have great colleagues.
Although they're not the young bunch who hang out after work, they're really nice, helpful and funny. They're very serious when it comes to work, but during our chillax time, they talk a lot of crap. Like a lot. All the time. We're a mix of China, Taiwan, Malaysia, Singapore (duh!) and Vietnam. I don't think they understand what the other is saying most of the time due to the slang and their command of English, yet they still can talk for hours endlessly.

3. Company's ok.
Well, it's actually better than just OK. It's not the best, but within the semicon wafer fab industry in the country, it's considered one of the leading ones. We don't have as much company benefits like Intel (which basically subsidize for almost every thing), but other than that, I think we're doing pretty good. Though I must say, my 15" inch monitor is really a pain in the ass when I'm viewing wafer maps! A Taiwanese company will never be like an American company. They value work result more than your work life balance or your office ergonomics.

Ok. Back to my point

4. I'm beginning to like this kiasu country.
Surprise surprise! Considering how much I dislike it just 2 years ago, you'd be wondering what makes me change my mind? But really, I just cant stand the thought of leaving just when I'm starting to get really comfortable here and beginning to consider living here permanently. I even filled out all my PR application form already!

So..yah. On THOSE days, I'm so convinced I'm not going to quit and just travel and do nothing. It's a complete waste of time, right?

On OTHER days, I just want to hammer my head hard. What the hell, woman? Those are all just excuses. Why do we work? We work so we can LIVE. And what's living? Is working everyday like a mad woman until the day we die equivalent to living? What's the point of earning all that money if I forget to use them to live?

Almost all my close friends told me to go ahead and stop counting and thinking and worrying so much. It's just a few months or 1 year at most. 回来又是一条好汉! And while I'm on that break, I can use it to take professional certifications and put it to good use when I return to get a job. Most importantly, I have no commitment. I'm single. I don't need to pay for car or house. So if I want to take a sabbatical, now is the time. Otherwise when I officially become a mortgage slave then unemployment is not an option at all. Or when I'm married with kids.

Wow. What a long piece. If you're still reading then clap clap congratulations on wasting 10 minutes of your time on me which you can never get back in your life wtf. I don't know why I'm telling all of you something so personal, not that anyone can decide for me but it's really bothering me and I just want to write it out. Not that it'll make me feel better but...ah... I write whatever I want why am I explaining! This is probably the most honest thing I've written in this blog. Not that normally I'm not being honest to you guys, but this is like ....hmm you guys know what I mean!