That moment in airport when I was told the passports are stolen, I gave up all hopes. I was in a state of shock and disbelief but I knew we're never getting it back. 'Go home', is what I said. On the bus all the way back, to going through the immigration office until back home at 7pm, I was still crying. Sobbing uncontrollably. I had a killing headache. I felt..awful.
I'm more than glad to welcome 2011. Really. 2010 is a good riddance. Only the night before as I lie on bed, I told the boy how disastrous the year has been and other than finally gotten a new job, nothing quite goes well. Of which he replied 'it's okay. tomorrow's 30th. we'll go to Taiwan tomorrow. we'll have a great end to a horrible year'.
Apparently, I had horrible days up until the very last day of the year.
He was very apologetic. I know he was. But I just couldn't forgive him at that moment when I lie there crying and muttering what a horrible year and my year has been nothing but just sadness. He replied 'I don't know why you kept saying you had a horrible year when the truth is you're in a really good situation and many good things have happened but you never appreciate them. You kept focusing on the negative thoughts. How can your year be not horrible that way. There's nothing I can do about Taiwan except saying sorry. But if you really think of it, it's really no big deal. We can always go again anytime. We can always stay in the room feeling awful and waste the remaining of the days away. Or we can go out and do something about it. Go out and have fun and at least we spent the beginning of 2011 well.'
When he put it that way, it seems like it's really such a small deal. Buying a new ticket solves everything. I guess in a way, he's right. 'The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people.' I cannot agree more. If I've looked back, I can't exactly pinpoint anything really BAD that has happened for me to say 2010 is a horrible year.
What actually happened is, nothing. I am the problem. I left my comfortable life of 6 years, and even though I am glad I finally stepped out, I didn't REALLY moved on. I was still living in the past. I cried, whined, clinging to the past and refused to move on. THAT is the problem. I couldn't handle changes well. I kept finding fault in everything because they're not what I am used to. It's not that they're of no good, but I just wanted how things were. And you know what? Nothing will be the same forever and I just failed to realize that. Even if I was in Penang, so what. Will things stay the same 5 years down the road? If yes, then can I consider that good? No changes is no improvement. We all know that. I was just too busy living in the past to see the good in my life right now.
His words 'You're just looking for another Kevin. Another Shushan. Another PeySuan. You'll never find them. You keep giving excuses. You have friends there. You're the one who refused to go out when invited. You just don't want to move on.'
To be upset over what I don't have is to waste what I do have.I can always close all the windows and darken the room, or I can open the windows and let the light in. It's really just a matter of choice. Penang is good. But it's all in the past. It's a good place for vacation. And maybe, just maybe, when I've saved and invested enough, I might go back to such a relaxing life. Until then, I'm here to stay.
It's a brand new year. I really can't wait to live the year well. This time I really sat down and thought things through. I'm done living in the past. I'm ready to move on, cheesy? but true.
I went out with the high school bunch in Orchard after work today. I nearly forgot how comfortable it is to speak with people of the same language. People who I grew up with. People who have one or two Malay word in every sentence. People who find Haji Lane as unique and Shisha as fun as I did. People who behave almost like me. Ahhh.
It's true. When you open up, good things come. If you love life, life will love you back.
#1 On 29th December 2010. In SG Budget terminal waiting for 8.50pm flight to KL. If not for my brother's car, I would have missed the flight.
On 30th December 2010, the day we missed the flight, he pulled me out of bed, got me to stop crying and brought me to one very expensive Chinese restaurant in Pavillion, and 3 of us ordered zhu char with a bill of RM450. His sister was so nice for she paid for the dinner, trying to cheer us up from the bad day. We then went shopping and got home around midnight, exhausted from all the crying.
On 31st December 2010, woke up and went to this really good dim sum. Can't remember what I did in the afternoon. But at night, Rebecca hosted a dinner potluck party and we went over.
#2 The maid fried beehoon and curry chicken. Rebecca baked the toffee cake, cheese stix and bacon roll. Crystal brought over lots of KFC which finished first wtf. Everybody loves KFC no matter what. People say KFC in US and SG pales in comparison to Msia's but honestly I've tried all 3 of them and I can't tell the difference! I enjoyed all 3..I mean..it's KFC okie!
#3 Said bacon roll. Actually this photo really didn't do the bacon roll any justice because I took photo of the last batch which is a bit burnt already. The good ones are on the table, almost finished. I don't know what's the proper name for it but it's bacon rolled together with croissant and baked. Rebecca bakes a lot and the best she made that night for dessert is Fresh Orange Jelly which is literally ORANGE and I enjoyed it a lot! If you want to try it out, here's the recipe I found online.
#4 Ice cream soda + milk + biji biji agar. Nobody dare to try it so Beckie threw it away. I tried it too. Well not too lousy lah but just sorta weird. End up, everyone drank beer and water.
#5 His house bar.
#6 A few of those who're present. The rest are either busy or late. Everyone is such a small eater and so much food left!
#7 Jonathan brought over 4 big Dominoes Pizza! I didn't eat any because I'm too full from KFC and Curry Chicken. What a waste! The leftovers were given to the boy's auntie so boo hoo to me.
After dinner around 11pm, we drove out to this bar named Tom, Dick & Harry's at TTDI for countdown. We went to the place upstairs so I don't know if it belongs to TDH but it wrote "Dine, Wine, Dessert" or something like that.
#8 The 3 lovely girl's dinner that we crashed.
#8 The actor who was at the next table with his crew and whole bunch of friends. I cant really recognize him at first but then now I know who he is! He's in a lot of TVB drama right! And he brought along his kids and maid to the place and the kids just sat at one corner yawning waiting for time to go home while the dad parties and hug girls wtf.
#9 The Singleton we ordered for 6 of us. Didn't try. I quit alcohol already. For all the times I've waken up with killing headaches and non stop vomitting, I'm done!
#10 Haven't met FK in ages. Used to play mahjong with her last time but stopped after a while.
#11 Crystal, Beckie & the boy.
#12 Love this photo! I was upset when I was changing that night because I didn't pack any pretty dresses for NYE. All I have is long sweaters, cardigans and scarfs for winter. So I was complaining I have nothing to wear and the boy kept telling me I look fine in shirt and jeans =(
#13 Another one.
#14 The boy & Joe with don't know whose cigar.
#15 Some of us. If you love makeup, you should hang with Jon (far left) because I was told his mother is the CEO of makeup brand Benefit. I love Benefit!
#16 The waiter say the previous one not okay so take another one. After taking this one he said hm this one is okay. To me, both look exactly the same.
#17 Joe with lovely Crystal.
#18 Who else but me and the boy counting down 2011 and wishing each other best luck for the new year haha.
So people, that is my New Year. I initially don't plan to blog about it because what is this compare to a countdown to Taipei right? But I guess Taipei can always wait. What we had is what's important. What's important, is I was with the one I love. I guess at the end of the year when I've had loads of fun where I am now, I would look back at this entry, and feeling all silly and stupid for not appreciating what I'm currently having.
It's okay to make mistake because that's how I learn in life. Which is why I said if I can wish for 1 thing in 2011, is to stay optimistic and positive. After all, positive people attract positive things =)