Forever Alone Level 50.

Took this on Valentine's Day at Clark Quay. The banks were full of couple sitting there enjoying the breeze and making out. Except..maybe, that guy in the middle.

Forever Alone.

It's a little too WongFu-ish but I think she's really cute!

Kiasuland.

My system has the most annoying "The instruction at "0x0c175969" referenced memory at "0x0c123456", the memory could not be read". It's stopping me from launching the project and I've been so busy trying to figure things out that I don't even have time to drink so I don't have to pee. My other daily support load was sky rocket high so recently I've been nothing but frustrated at work. My colleagues asked me about it and gave quite a few suggestions on what might go wrong. They have zero knowledge on this system, because we don't have job rotation kind of stuff so everyone just mind their own work. They asked me some details and took part of my stuff to their PC. Although I'm in my cubicle, I can hear them discussing about it.

By the time I look at the time, it's already 7pm on a Friday night. I walked out of my cubicle and saw them still there, still discussing about the memory issue. I told them not to discuss about it already. Go home! It's not even your business. Don't OT because of something not related to you. Go home!

They say "hey don't worry about it. we're team mates. we have time so we can help to check our PC and Windows config and see what might cause the memory failure."

I have been working a full 15 hours daily for months and by that time I was pretty exhausted and when they say that, I was freaking touched and I nearly teared. NEARLY.

Let me tell you guys something. The people I met here throughout my 2 years are nothing but nice. Where did the perception that Singaporeans are kiasu come from? Why do I perceive them that way all my life? Why? Because these 2 years I've met countless helpful people at work, on the road and in the mall. My colleagues are not just nice to me. Every time someone run into any issue, everyone jumps in and help without credit. Since they have helped me a great deal, if they run into any problem, I'll also 上刀山下油锅 for them too. I guess that's how the whole help-each-other culture formed?

Is it because I haven't lived here long enough and have not gone out often enough and meet more people? Am I just lucky to have come across all these helpful people? Or have we wrongly perceive the locals here to be kiasu? I think I need to go out more and maybe I can finally find all the kiasu people in this kiasu land.

Static Guard

I'm so excited to share this piece of information with you!!

You know how your clothes always stick to your body due to static friction? I have load of dresses I don't wear anymore because they tend to stick to my body. And because the material is silky and not cotton, when it sticks to my body, it shows my lower body clearly. like it shows both your thighs clearly and your ass and ass crack and..ok...I think you get what I mean.

I know there's this spray called Static Guard for this purpose. But I just found out that applying hand cream on your body will solve the problem!!

I applied hand cream on my lower body and the dress really does not stick on it..anymore!

Ok. Maybe you already know this. But still, maybe still got people like me dont know leh?

Thoughts.

为什么把钱看得那么重?

That's what my friends asked me, at the Clark Quay Mexican bar after work on Friday. We talked about life while they sipped on their Happy Hour Margaritas. I'm the only one who ordered warm water. Warm water at a bar? Potong stim, I know. But I plan to work when I get home no matter how late.

The conversation started because my bf had his Australian working visa approved. Yes, finally! (throws confetti around congratulating him). He just bought a one way ticket and will be leaving next month. Our relationship has progressed, yet again. From a 3 hours car ride KL to PG, to 5 hours bus ride KL to SG, now to 8 hours flight SG to Aus. Talk about long distance.....getting longer and longer.

I had been working like a mad woman for the past few months. Maybe because of all those crazy amount of work lately, I kept feeling like I'm losing out a lot in life and I needed a rest. Ya ya ya...listen to the lazy part of me talking. As soon as I get lots of work I always feel like I needed a holiday (but then again, who doesn't need a holiday?). Since the bf is migrating to Australia, I'd given some serious consideration about leaving my job for a while..you know..go around. Go visit my sisters in the US, and maybe I can join her on that Italy trip at the end of the year after all. And then I can go over Australia and join the bf and slack around while exploring Aust for a bit..to see if I like it. You know, all that stuff.

But...there're a couple of things stopping me.

1. I just couldn't live with the thought of leaving my job and be unemployed.
Apart from feeling bloody useless, I feel like I'm going to lose out a lot for that period of (what Andrew insists on calling) "in between jobs" (sounds nicer than "unemployed"). I'm smacked right in the middle of my career and with that long period of being jobless, I felt like I would be left behind when I return. What's worse, I just kept counting the amount of money I could have earned for those months that I'm not working! While other people are earning that amount of money, I'm using up my hard earned savings! How can I possibly live with that! What if I can't get a job after my self declared sabbatical ended? Or I get a job that pays lesser? Would I regret it?

2. I have great colleagues.
Although they're not the young bunch who hang out after work, they're really nice, helpful and funny. They're very serious when it comes to work, but during our chillax time, they talk a lot of crap. Like a lot. All the time. We're a mix of China, Taiwan, Malaysia, Singapore (duh!) and Vietnam. I don't think they understand what the other is saying most of the time due to the slang and their command of English, yet they still can talk for hours endlessly.

3. Company's ok.
Well, it's actually better than just OK. It's not the best, but within the semicon wafer fab industry in the country, it's considered one of the leading ones. We don't have as much company benefits like Intel (which basically subsidize for almost every thing), but other than that, I think we're doing pretty good. Though I must say, my 15" inch monitor is really a pain in the ass when I'm viewing wafer maps! A Taiwanese company will never be like an American company. They value work result more than your work life balance or your office ergonomics.

Ok. Back to my point

4. I'm beginning to like this kiasu country.
Surprise surprise! Considering how much I dislike it just 2 years ago, you'd be wondering what makes me change my mind? But really, I just cant stand the thought of leaving just when I'm starting to get really comfortable here and beginning to consider living here permanently. I even filled out all my PR application form already!

So..yah. On THOSE days, I'm so convinced I'm not going to quit and just travel and do nothing. It's a complete waste of time, right?

On OTHER days, I just want to hammer my head hard. What the hell, woman? Those are all just excuses. Why do we work? We work so we can LIVE. And what's living? Is working everyday like a mad woman until the day we die equivalent to living? What's the point of earning all that money if I forget to use them to live?

Almost all my close friends told me to go ahead and stop counting and thinking and worrying so much. It's just a few months or 1 year at most. 回来又是一条好汉! And while I'm on that break, I can use it to take professional certifications and put it to good use when I return to get a job. Most importantly, I have no commitment. I'm single. I don't need to pay for car or house. So if I want to take a sabbatical, now is the time. Otherwise when I officially become a mortgage slave then unemployment is not an option at all. Or when I'm married with kids.

Wow. What a long piece. If you're still reading then clap clap congratulations on wasting 10 minutes of your time on me which you can never get back in your life wtf. I don't know why I'm telling all of you something so personal, not that anyone can decide for me but it's really bothering me and I just want to write it out. Not that it'll make me feel better but...ah... I write whatever I want why am I explaining! This is probably the most honest thing I've written in this blog. Not that normally I'm not being honest to you guys, but this is like ....hmm you guys know what I mean!

Not So Finger Licking Good.

It's Friday! I finally sat down and fb a little and just found out about the whole KFC issue since the youtube flooded my FB News Feed.



All I want to say is Malaysians really have too much free time on their hands. Always trying to create racial tension over everything and anything. For all we know, the customer had been swearing and cursing at the KFC staff before the whole beating begins. Right? Nobody knows right? If he had said nothing to deserve any beating, still, it's not a racial issue at all. It's just a case of very very very bad customer service.

Chillax la everybody. Boycott what boycott? I've met really nice KFC behind-the-counter staffs who did great job!

Choose Happiness.

I wanted to share with you an article I read today (from Arise India Forum)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.

I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Ala Zombie Apocalypse

I have this dream over and over again. It's not exactly the same each time, but it always happen in the same place and almost the same thing occur. I always dreamt that I'm in a village in the jungle with lots of wooden huts. There're also a lot of villagers there. The worst part is, every time a bell rings, an evil spirit will come out and grab people randomly and strangle them, not to death but until they turn into her. Something like zombie apocalypse. The trick is, she can't see you if you don't move or speak but if she try to "feel" you she can actually touch you. Something like the ancient Chinese vampire. You just have to avoid being bumped into or touched.

Yesterday night I slept at 10pm all exhausted. And I dreamt about it again. I am back in that village. This time I'm with 3 other people. I don't remember who that 3 person are. Can't remember every single detail but I always remember how it ended.

The bell rings (it always does). We all ran for our dear life and 4 of us squat down and lean against the wooden hut wall. Then the evil spirit flew down from one of the hut on top of the hill. It grabbed one of the villagers and strangled him/her in front of us. My friend (I assume is my friend since we're together) who's beside me choked and shouted in fear. I tapped her on the back and asked her to shut her damn mouth wtf. But it's too late. The evil spirit grabbed her up and strangled her and I can hear her screamed like mad. I was holding a piece of wood and hiding behind it, too afraid to look. But I breathed loud trying not to scream.

After my friend was strangled, this evil spirit came near to the wall, to where I was hiding. She looked straight at my direction. I was hoping she can't see me. Then..she moved her leg and tried to "feel" if there's anything at my direction. Her toe touched my toes. She know I'm there. Then........

I woke up.

wtf.

I seriously wonder if there's any meaning behind these dreams. Because I keep making the same dream over and over again, only this time the evil spirit know I'm there already!

Please dont let me go back to that village again wtf. I dont want to get strangled!

Right Time.

When I was 21 and just graduated, I wanted to travel and laze around first but I figured at that point my priority should be to get a job. Securing a job after graduation seems like the RIGHT thing to do.

When I was 24, I wanted to travel and laze around but since I just started working not long ago and at that point I'm doing pretty good so I figured it's more important to at least up the salary for a while first since I didn't have enough money not to work without depending on my parents.

When I was 27, I wanted to travel and laze around but I found a job in Singapore and it required me to start work immediately so I figured it's more important to secure that job if I ever wanted to step out of Malaysia.

When I was 29, I wanted to travel and laze around but my career is just starting and it's giving me a very comfortable life and it just seems crazy to quit before I climb further.

So...

When? When is the right time to actually take a "fake" sabbatical and go travel and laze around?
Is it crazy to live for a while without any income? Is it ok to spend the hard earned savings for a while without income? What if I can't get a job after my self declared holiday? Does career and money define a persons life.

Fuck. It's all about money, ain't it?

I have a colleague who worked here for 10 plus years already and I told him I'm really impressed how he can work here for so long. It's not like this is a bad company, just that, it's not the..best. He say he will quit when his chair breaks wtf.

Back to work!

CNY 10 days rest is heaven sent. I told myself I'm going to work during the 10 days break to catch up on everything but as expected I didn't even turn on the PC. I didn't even get online and check on my gmail or surf the net, at all. Hmph, work? What work?

I wanted to generate a meme face for my wtf-ness but office blocked it and the reason is TASTELESS hahahaha.



Since I started work, I couldn't sleep well every night. Tried to laze on the bed since like 9pm but didn't fall asleep until 2am and end up waking like I haven't slept at all. Every time I get to office, someone will definitely pass a comment like 'wah why you look like shit. didn't sleep ar". No actually even I sleep at 10pm, I still wake up to those kind of comments. Why ar! Because my eyes have natural dark circle and eye bag la that's why! No matter how much I sleep I just couldn't get rid of them. I even bought a $120 Lancome eye cream that claims to have 6 VISIBLE actions to fight dark eye circle, eye bag, wrinkle bla bla bla. Conclusion: don't buy it. I've used it for some time and it doesn't show better result than a $40 Skin Food Salmon eye cream. True story. All those fancy promoting on this eye cream makes it seem so good though!

I looked into the mirror yesterday and realized just how much I've aged. Really. When I look at my own photos, all I see is saggy and wrinkly skin. Such a big difference compared to just 5 years ago. So when people tell you to start taking care of your skin when you're 24 and 25. It's true. You can't tell much difference between 20 and 25. But 25 to 30? It's a true big jump...to hell. Some people are born with natural baby face. Those are exceptions. But me? I belong to the look-5-years-older-than-real-age group. Well, it's probably a balasan coz it's not exactly like I have good healthy meals or skincare routine or what. I hardly drink water, eat fruits once every month or twice at most, no greens or any vegetables since i'm...maybe 5 years old. Skincare routine? What skincare? I use a facial cleanser and a moisturizer from Watsons. Nothing else. No spf sun block or serum or miracle water or toner di da di da di da. It's all showing now! I eat nasi lemak and yau char kway and chicken wing as breakfast dammit. All I eat is meat meat and meat and meat and more meat.

So this morning I woke up 10 minutes early (despite lack of sleep), dropped by the supermarket and bought yoghurt and fruit and milk for breakfast wtf, and in 2 hours I drank 800ml of water already. Hopefully if I stick to healthier meal intakes it'll show a difference, err...maybe in 3 or 4 years or so.

It scares me..really! I looked at my photos and they're scary! I've also gotten a lot tanner, and it's not helping at all. By the time I get married and take wedding photos, I probably look 10 times worse. How sad can that be when you look back at your own wedding photos and you go all..urgh...

Ok finish rant. Go back to work.